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FINAL FANTASY: SHATTERED LANDS
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By P0sitr0nic Productions
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"Well... here we are with P0sitr0nic's Final Fantasy: Shattered Lands. This is when many people would say "Oh boy, another Final Fantasy fan game. It's not worth the time." Well let me tell you, you will be wrong on many counts if that is your opinion."
Seeing as this game is OBJECTIVELY good, how could I not download it?
PS. This review will be wrong on many counts, so don't read it.
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PRESENTATION
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"Ok, first of all graphics were FF6. Even when playing the game you will definitely feel that it's FF6 except that it's not."
Graphics
They're all FF6 rips / edits, because it's a fangame, see, so that means the blatantly stolen graphics are in context. Whatever, we'll run with it for now. So, how does it stack up?
FF6 was pretty much the apex of sprite-based graphics. They might have been largely static, but there was so much detail in them that criticising them for a lack of movement is missing the point - these aren't just representations of Yoshitaka Amano's concept art, they are Yoshitaka Amano's art, and no subsequent game has captured his otherworldly style in anywhere near the same way. So, using them as make a new game would be pretty much foolproof, right?
No, of course not, because anything is possible in the wonderful world of amateur RPG design. Firstly, the graphics themselves are handled very badly - a lot of them have had the number of colours reduced, and the result is really ugly, because instead of clean, smooth areas of colour, we now have giant lumps of harsh, contrasting colour. The only notable editing work is that the default FF6 soldiers, which have had their armour painted red, and about 1/5 of them have brown skin, showing us the more multicultural face of evil. And then, there's The Eretos, which is a... thing. They say it's an insect, but they're lying, because it has eight legs and fins. It's literally just made up bits of other FF6 monsters, haphazardly joined together with no attempt at any kind of coherency. It might be a kind of camel-fish hybrid, but with a frog's head. And a glowing green arse.
Then there's the issue of how they're used - it's uniformly rushed and ugly. Towns are filed with identical, perfectly square houses, most of which you can't go into. They're also hideously cramped, usually only a screen or so large with a bunch of houses and the occasional tree placed totally at random. Interiors are just as cramped, only there's nothing in them, so you won't accidentally walk off the map while trying to get somewhere. That's literally the only good thing about them, and it's only good from a relative perspective. The top of the tents disappear when you walk into them, like in FF6, but who cares?
PS. Most of the houses have toilets. I thought I should mention that.
PPS. The smoke animations aren't aligned properly, so the smoke appears to be coming out of the side of the chimneys.
Music & Sound Effects
It's all from the Final Fantasy series, except for the original music, which you can easily spot because it's not as good.
Originality
The Eretos is technically original, but so are shrimp milkshakes and a superhero who has arms made of clay.
Extra stuff
There's a map that shows your current position, and side-view attack animations.
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STORYLINE & CHARACTERS
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"The story is about Jeff who is a soldier of an evil empire. And then he joined a rebellion group to stop the evil empire. Well, I really didn't remember much but that's the whole point."
Storyline
You play Jev (not Jeff) who wakes up one morning to find out that he's been drafted by the evil empire. He walks around killing innocent people for a while, even though he really doesn't want to, and so begins his meteoric rise through the ranks of the army of Badguyville.
Things that will get you promoted in Final Fantasy: Shattered Lands:
- Ignoring your orders and beating up small children.
- Killing your own soldiers in order to save some random prisoner who you never see again.
- Patrolling a continent on Chocobo, which can take upwards of thirty seconds.
- Beating a guy you outnumber 3:1
- Defending the imperial castle against an invasion force of three soldiers and some dogs.
Jev becomes a Captain after about fifteen minutes, naturally, but then he has a change of heart when he instantly falls in love with an opera singer called Marla, despite never having made eye-contact with her. But she's hot, so who cares? Anyway, they decide to go on a date at the zoo, which is fortunate because the town they're in happens to have the world's only zoo attached to it. They rescue a Moogle called Kupak, who knows Marla, and then they fight Ultros for no apparent reason. Don't download this because you have fond memories of Ultros, though, because he doesn't do anything except repeat his line about being octopus royalty and then die after forty-five seconds because Marla can summon Ifrit for 30MP every single turn.
Marla turns out to be one of the rebels who threatens the evil empire, but Jev just can't bring himself to kill her, because now they're in love since they went to the zoo together and everything. Jev immediately changes sides without a second thought. OFFICER MATERIAL! They escape and meet up with a bunch of rebels etc. etc. you can predict the rest.
Then comes the most astoundingly stupid plot twist ever. It turns out that the emperor was really dead, and the empire has actually been taking orders from his right-hand man, Herel. Except the emperor has been sitting on his throne the whole time, surrounded by people. There has been a cadaver sitting a chair, propped up Weekend at Bernie's-style, for two months, and nobody has noticed that the guy is dead. He doesn't talk. He doesn't move. He's decomposing. For two entire months, and none of the people who are hanging around him night and day suspect anything. Any evil empire that can be this oblivious and promote someone as useless as Jev to Captain is more dangerous to themselves than anyone else.
Anyway, it turns out that Herel is in the hidden city of (yes) The Ancients, which has been invisible up until now thanks to a powerful plot device. After fighting three slightly different coloured versions of the same boss, we confront Herel, who has turned into a wingless, moustached version of Kefka who dies in about two minutes. Cue sentimental ending sequence that the story has not earned.
So, yeah, it's a rushed series of clichés, but what really sinks it are the parts there were obviously just included for no logical reason other than their appearance in an earlier Final Fantasy game. Marla is an opera singer only because there's an opera scene in FF6, and it makes no sense out of context. There's references to an ancient Magitek (sorry, Magi-Science) war, but it's never developed; it just exists because it was in another game. The evil empire has a male general based on Leo from FF6 who does a few things here and there, but there's also a female general based on Celes who literally does nothing except stand in the corner. We see flashbacks to Jev's past, but they tell us nothing, except that he had parents. Herel acts like Kefka and uses Kefka's theme music, except he only gets two scenes and never says anything memorable.
Characters
Jev is a spineless, reprehensible prat. He gets drafted into the evil empire's army, and doesn't protest against it at all, even though he knows they're bad. He's more than happy to do everything he's told by his superior officers, most of which revolves around killing civilians, and all he can do is occasionally think "Maybe nobody would mourn their loss... except me". Yeah, only their loss is directly his fault because he was the one who killed them. This isn't Terra killing the Narshe guards because she was under hypnosis. It's not Cecil becoming increasingly appalled by the actions of his leader until his conscience gets the better of him. This is a guy who intentionally attacks a city and intentionally kills innocent people simply because he's told to, then expects us to forgive him on the spot because he knows he shouldn't have. He continues doing this until he gets a hard-on for one of the rebels, at which point he immediately switches sides. So, basically, he's got no qualms about mass murder unless he thinks the victim is kinda cute, in which case it's going too far. This is also the entire of his development as a character, since he's immediately forgiven by everyone he was previously trying to kill the second he promises not to do it again. Not only this, but all the guys he used to work for start praising him for being right and then apologise to him, despite the fact he just stumbles on the emperor-being-dead plot by accident after betraying them all because he wants to fuck an opera singer. TRULY THE STUFF OF LEGENDS.
Marla is an opera singer / black mage / summoner who falls for Jev because he took her to the zoo. That's it. Kupak the moogle joins because he knows Marla, it's never explained how he knows her, where the other moogles are, or why he was an exhibit in a zoo. Then there's a guy called Gervas who is just bizarre, in that he has twice as much HP as anyone else, hardly does any damage and can cast sleep / poison spells, almost as if his stats and abilities were just punched in randomly, but that couldn't be true, could it?. He also never gets developed at all, bringing the cast tally to three nobodies and one weak-willed loser. It's probably a good thing they hardly ever speak.
Cut Scenes
They stand totally still and talk about crap. Hardly anyone moves, except in an early scene where you're told to "line up against the wall", and a bunch of soldiers run into each other and freeze, which is both the highpoint and lowpoint of the choreography. Honestly, I can't even remember 90% of the cutscenes and I finished it less than an hour ago.
Originality
The idea of playing from the perspective of a soldier in the evil empire is sort of interesting, but the execution is just a pile of totally unrelated clichés.
Script
I never realised how many different ways there were to say "Get them!".
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GAMEPLAY
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"If you could say there was a disappointment in the game, then this would be it."
Event Programming
It doesn't bug because there's nothing to bug, etc. etc. You know what's really great, though? Instead of using switches to define what places you've visited, who's given you missions etc., the game contains three different versions of the entire world, which you get dumped into when something changes. It doesn't interfere with the game, but it's pointless and takes up a lot of extra space. It's also all I can think of saying about the event work (or lack thereof).
Fun Factor
It's not fun by any stretch of the imagination, but it's easy and short, so you'll quit out of apathy rather than disgust.
Combat
It's like a laundry list of every single thing that can go wrong. Monsters which are all identical except the way they look? Check. "Swordtech" skills which don't increase as your strength does, thus making them redundant a few minutes after you get them? Check. Only two status ailments, neither of which the enemies ever use? Check. Enemies which are 100% susceptible to those status ailments, meaning you can put the bosses to sleep and never worry about being hit? Check. Elemental magic which is totally interchangeable because only two or three bosses have elemental weaknesses / defences? Check. Bosses take 10 - 15 minutes to beat because they have so much HP, but otherwise pose no threat at all? Check, check, check. Snooze.
Highlight: About 1/4 into the game, you get Marla, who can summon Ifrit for 30 MP, every turn. This essentially makes you invincible, especially as Ethers can be picked up for 180 Gil. Oh, and Elixirs are 500 Gil. In almost every store. It's like they were trying to make it as unbalanced as possible. Even later on when you pick up the optional summons, they're only marginally more powerful and you never, ever need to use them. Combine this with the fact Gervas can put everything to sleep for 8MP, and you'll never come anywhere near defeat, even against the final boss.
Dungeons
There aren't any. You run from town to town and that's it, except when you finally reach The Hidden City Of The Ancients No This Is Not Esthar At All, when they really cut loose and give you four rooms to explore. That's it. There's so little going on that it took me fifteen minutes to write the last two sentences.
Puzzles & Minigames
You can search for new summons for Marla, which sounds kind of cool, except all the places the summons live are incredibly, incredibly obvious. I mean, shit, there's a huge pyramid just standing in the middle of a continent with no other geographical features OH I WONDER IF IT DOES SOMETHING HMMMMM???? All the other 'hidden' summon 'dungeons' are concealed with the same devious cunning. What makes it really, really pathetic is that when you go inside these places, they're just a room, one screen in size, with the summon standing in the middle. And, of course, after you get them, you find out that they're only marginally more powerful than the ones you start with, yet cost twice as much MP.
There's also a coliseum, where you fight a bunch of monsters in sequence to receive prizes which are utterly, utterly useless (literally; you can't use them), except the final one, which doubles your already insanely high attack power. Which reminds me that there's only one accessory item in the entire game, and it's a ribbon that protects you from the both the status ailments the monsters never use in the first place.
You can get collector cards of the characters. They don't do anything, and obscure the entire screen every time you use them, without pausing the game.
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OVERALL
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"There was ALOT of effort put into this game. It shows in terms of graphics, story, and music. A great effort by P0sitr0nic Productions."
Yeah, no.
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