64 REASONS TO WATCH "DUNGEONS AND DRAGONS" (PAGE ONE)
1. The number of movies that actually fall into the category of "So bad it's good" is substantially fewer than most tedious 'wacky' people would have you believe. This arguably fulfills the criteria better than any film in recent memory, except that it's just so damn adorable. It's so sincere, naive and good-natured that nobody with a heart and a sense of humour could possibly dislike it, and even the actors who know the script is appalling at least have the decency to over the top like there's no tomorrow. I genuinely prefer this to Lord of the Rings.

2. Imagine the kind of person you'd expect to direct a movie about Dungeons & Dragons. Well, that's exactly who did it. His name is Courtney Solomon.

3. The DVD makes you answer trivia questions about the movie before you can access the special features, which is the most adorable use of the DVD format I've ever seen.

4. Along the same lines, you must choose one of three runes before you can access the scene selection menu. If you choose the wrong one, you get to see Marlon Wayans drown in porridge.

5. The scene which explains the actual plot was cut from the final release because they couldn't afford a CGI wraith.

6. The Dwarf, who is never named on screen because that scene was also cut, makes an utterly inexplicable noise when his hat is knocked off. It might be a mating call.

7. Commentary Highlights: "Justin Whalin can climb a man like a tree".

8. "I can't believe they're betting on whether or not he lives!" "Au contraire, precious morsel - they're betting on how long before he dies!" is one of the worst dialogue exchanges in history, and I love it to death.

9. The Thieves' Guild maze is just three rooms in a straight line.

10. "That wraith must have been defective!"

11.

12. Thora Birch clearly has no idea what any of her dialogue means.

13.

14. The movie is based on the Dungeons & Dragons RPG, but they didn't get the rights to use any of the Dungeons & Dragons worlds, meaning the movie is just based on the game's rules. This is presumably why one of the characters is referred to as "a low-level mage" in casual conversation.

15. One of the greatest, most overwrought NOOOOOOOOOOO!'s in a long time.

16. The Empress frees her people by simply standing on a balcony and saying "I declare that you are now all equal".

17. "I hope it was quickly forgotten. I did it purely for the money" - Jeremy Irons, 2004.

18. The hero's prophetic dream was also cut for budgetary reasons, but the characters still refer to it.

19. "Quite recently I did a film, and I met this director, and he was very small and he was disgusting to look at" - Tom Baker, 2001.

20. Commentary Highlights: "Jeremy Irons knows what he's doing, and Courtney Solomon knows what he's doing".

21. The Dwarf looks like Harry Knowles.

22. All the supplementary DVD material was recorded before the movie was a critical and commercial disaster, and everyone involved talks as if the sequel is a foregone conclusion.

23. They actually did make a sequel, although it's direct to DVD and the only returning character is the villain's henchman, who has sadly lost his iridescent blue lipstick.

24. "Now! It is! Your time! TO DIE!"

25. Just like real Dungeons & Dragons, the wizard only casts three spells and spends the rest of the time doing absolutely nothing.

REASONS 26 - 50 >>>>


Warning: require() [function.require]: URL file-access is disabled in the server configuration in D:\Hosting\2482394\html\articles\d&d1.php on line 151

Warning: require(http://www.fryingbear.com/navbar.htm) [function.require]: failed to open stream: no suitable wrapper could be found in D:\Hosting\2482394\html\articles\d&d1.php on line 151

Fatal error: require() [function.require]: Failed opening required 'http://www.fryingbear.com/navbar.htm' (include_path='.;C:\php5\pear') in D:\Hosting\2482394\html\articles\d&d1.php on line 151