|
|
THE FRYING BEAR A - Z OF 2005
|
A is for AVALEST
Leader of the War On Idiocy and amateur Maddox impersonator, Avalest commanded his online army to spam my temporary forum until I took it down, failing to notice it had been abandoned for two months. After I mocked him for it, he commanded his army to abuse me, which resulted in one email. He then claimed that everything he'd done in the last year had actually been ironic and subsequently re-invented himself as the exact same thing, only less popular.
B is for BOLL, UWE
Prolific German director who this year unleashed two more videogame adaptations, Alone in the Dark and Bloodrayne, and will release his two-part epic In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale in early 2006. Critical and commercial reaction to his adaptations has been consistently appalling, though he maintains that this is the fault of the actors, the script, the stunt doubles and the locations.
C is for CASTLEVANIA
Recently announced as the latest project for writer-director Paul WS Anderson. Critical and commercial reaction to his adaptations has been consistently tepid, though he maintains that this is the fault of audiences, as he is the biggest _________ fan in existence, and who are we to argue?
D is for DOCTOR WHO
Classic BBC science fiction series which ran from 1963 to 1989 and was resurrected in mid 2005. Christopher Eccleston's performance in the lead role was lauded by fans as the best since the series' mid-70s heyday, until he quit after one season and was reappraised as "childish", "inane" and "lower than a cockroach".
E is for EPISODE THREE: REVENGE OF THE SITH
The last installment of George Lucas' Star Wars series, it finally explained how Anakin Skywalker became Darth Vader (he was under a lot of stress), how the Jedi came to be extinct (lasers), what midichlorians were (things), and how the Jedi learned to become one with the Force (they just did).
F is for FINAL FANTASY SEVEN: ADVENT CHILDREN
Computer animated movie which sought to pick up where the popular RPG Final Fantasy VII left off. Considering it left off in over a dozen tangential ways at the same time, it's little surprise that nothing was actually resolved.
G is for GIZMONDO
Debut handheld console from Tiger Telematics, it hopes to attract an audience by not letting them skip the Flash introduction on their website until after it loads. The console is then depicted blotting out the sun, plunging New York into darkness and terror.
H is for HATTER, BARRY
Boy wizard who attends a mysterious school where he learns the arts of magic. He is in no way related to a similar character with a similar name. Fact.
I is for I CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS
Which is why everything I write about here is either free or from the $3 pile at Cash Converters.
J is for JOHNSON, DWAYNE
AKA "The Rock", he took the role of "Sarge" in Doom as he considered it more challenging than the lead role he was initially offered, requiring him to shout rather than frown.
K is for KOMBAT
Misappropriation of the letter K was rad to the max in 1993, but Mortal Kombat is the only series that kontinues to do so; a testament to the integrity and vision of its kreators.
L is for LANNING, LORNE
Creator of the Oddworld series who recently gave up making games entirely. He lambasted other games for prioritizing style over substance, but then refused to have anything to do with Nintendo "for the same reason I don't watch Powerpuff Girls".
M is for MAF
Acquaintance of Avalest who, in a sterling display of acerbic wit, told me to get a haircut. He also said my writing was terrible. I can't comment on his writing because, like all the best websites, his requires you to have a personally approved account to read.
N is for NINE THOUSAND TWO HUNDRED AND NINE
The number of people who've visited Frying Bear.com since June this year.
O is for ONLINEHASH.COM
Site who's logo turned out to be almost identical to mine, necessitating a hasty redesign. Eventually I just gave up on having a logo entirely, and I turned out just fine.
P is for PILBEAM, SIR RICHIE OF
Name I signed a friend's guestbook as when I was 14. It, as well as other skeletons in my e-closet, has unfortunately been kept alive by webarchive.org. Everyone who says "the past is the past" is a filthy liar.
Q is for QUI-GON
Jedi Master portrayed by Liam Neeson in The Phantom Menace (1999), he returned in this year's Revenge of the Sith to teach the Jedi how to merge with the Force after death, which becomes a major issue in the later films. How he came back, why he came back, an actual on-camera appearance or any explanation beyond a single line of dialogue were presumably cut to make room for the essential and involving Chewbacca sub-plot.
R is for RPG MAKER XP
Long-awaited as the first legal English release of one of Enterbrain's RPG Maker programs, the resulting translation was the equivalent of the company saying "We really don't give a shit about you, but we'd still like your money". The only upside was the accompanying Engrish promotional video, which was pretty damn awesome.
S is for SO, JOHN
Mayor of Melbourne who presented popular DC comics character Batman with the key to the city earlier in November.
T is for TITAN
Largest of Saturn's moons, the ESA's probe Huygens landed there in January.
U is for UNWISE DECISIONS, MINE
Spending just under $200 (Australian, don't worry) on a domain name and server space before deciding what I'm actually going to do with it.
V is for V FOR VENDETTA
Recently completed film based on the comic by Alan Moore and David Lloyd. Moore hated the script so much that he demanded to have his name removed from it. He didn't seem that phased about League of Extraordinary Gentlemen. Re-read the last two sentences a few times and draw your own conclusions.
W is for WIND FARMS
Clean, renewable source of energy that the residents of several nearby towns are protesting against because it would ruin their view. Australians are truly a selfless and giving people.
X is for XYLOPHONE
Y is for YES!!!
Our attempted less-embarrassing replacement for "LOL" and "HAHAHAHA". It actually ends up being more embarrassing because it looks like we're having cybersex.
Z is for ZATHURA
Movie that just came out which starts with Z. Also for Zoroastrian and Zorro.
|
|
|
